Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Oh the guilt that comes with brushing her hair and telling her "No"
I love waking up in the morning to her morning breath and her saying "mommy, the sun is awake!". There is rarely a time when she doesnt start my day off in a really great way, I love this age and all of the curiosity and imagination that comes with it. Natalie is 3, but she is soooo smart....i know, i know, all moms think theyre child is the most beautiful and the most intelligent, we're supposed to :) After the initial morning routine has been completed, c'mon you know the drill......the fight to brush our teeth, whats for breakfast, what kind of "food mood" is she in today, enzymes, periactin, vitamins, 15-20 mins of CPT *whew* goes by quickly when you're typing it, but its at least an hour and a half process, she's a slow eater.....Anyways, after all of that comes the day's regular activities. I had to run to work this morning for a minute and so, of course, Natalie needed her hair brushed.....and this, of all fights, seems to be one of the most heartbreaking. I have detangler but she cries anytime she even sees a hairbrush. Yes, she has to have her hair brushed, yes, it must be put back, otherwise it goes in her mouth. But with all of the fights that i MUST have with her....the CPT fight, the blood draw fight, the chest xray fight, the nebulizer fight, i feel the most guilty about these, the dumb ones, I mean, in the grand scheme of things, what does her hair really matter, must she cry over this, must i be so insistant on the hair being brushed??? Then its off to the store to pick up some applesauce, the portable kind, that has the lids and are "single serving" so we can go out and about for a while without worrying about getting enzymes in her, and of course now there's the toy fight. Christmas just passed and i find it absurd that the child could possibly want anything more. We went way overboard for Christmas (we usually do) but somehow, even though there are still presents she hasnt fully appreciated yet, there is still the "I see, I want". Must she cry over a $2 toy? must i say "NO"? is the principle so important that I would have her cry over something so small when she has so many other, more important things to cry over? Day in and day out she tolerates things that other children have no idea about. Shes been poked and prodded and xrayed and tubed and monitored......doesnt this deserve a little wiggle room? Doesnt this deserve a break from "mommy the nag monster"? Or is it simply that I am so overwhelmed with guilt, i feel guilty that she has to endure this, why not me? Ive prayed and prayed, "God just give it to me, let me have her pain, let me have to take the meds, let me be the one to do the treatments, just let her be healthy and give it all to me" In the end, this is what we have been chosen for, in the end she must learn the lessons that all children must learn: hair and teeth have to be brushed, you dont always get the toys that you want, when you want them, everyone is different, friends are special people, sharing is a good thing, do unto others as you would have them do unto you, and Mommys are there to make sure you know how things are supposed to go, even when they themselves do not understand why they are this way.