Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Being Jewish without actually being Jewish.

I'm not sure that I've ever really talked about this part of CF life.....the meat and potatoes of it all....where it comes from (genetically speaking), why it's here (in our lives), etc. etc. etc.

For various reasons, kicking and stumbling through a fat and calories packed breakfast-making effort, trying to wake up this morning, I thought to myself, "Man, it sucks to be Jewish." Now before anyone goes calling me antisemitic or racist or anything else absurd, let me explain.

I am Jewish, apparently. Not just any type of Jewish, Ashkenazi Jewish.....

Who? What? When? Where? How?

Yeah, I wondered the same things. My Grandparents on my mother's side were Italian and Native American/Irish.... on my Father's side its not quite as clear but there's a lot of Native American over there too.....My Mother's side is deeply rooted in the United States......deeply......the first that I can find of a foreigner is an English immigrant in the 1600's.

Anyway, I am rambling, back to my point.

I honestly wouldn't mind being Jewish......I agree with a great many parts of their culture. I love the fact that they get the Old Testament of the Bible and aren't bound to the "If you aren't Christian, there's something wrong with you" mentality that prevails throughout America (or at least  here in the south). I mean who wouldn't want to be Jewish? After all, they are God's chosen people.....

The problem lies in the fact that I am not religiously Jewish, but genetically, I am. Natalie inherited the w1282x mutation from me. w1282x is an Ashkenazi Jewish/Israeli mutation. Okay, strike one, Cystic Fibrosis mutation from that part of the gene pool......Strike two, you ask??? Tay Sachs. Tay Sachs is another genetic disorder carried by the Ashkenazi Jewish genetic line. It is a devastating disease for which there is no cure, very little treatment, which leads to eventual paralysis and death.....at a very young age.....before the child's third birthday.....*sigh*. Strike 3? Does there have to be a strike three??? Isn't that enough??

There are enough problems to worry about in life......like the things that are sitting in your face here and now....Now I get to worry about things that may come, things that may go wrong, things that I am unaware of and unable to control, things that may or may not manifest, that may or may not be passed to my children.....

I feel broken. Genetically inferior. Sad.

I'm going to go find some chocolate.....maybe that will make me feel better.....at least for a little while.

Monday, October 10, 2011


I've been avoiding this place....I apologize.

This is a window into my world, I brought you guys along for the ride and then ducked out.....I can't say I'm sorry enough.

Natalie is fine. Caitlin is fine. The house is fine. The job is fine. Everything is fine....just fine.

I have been extraordinarily stressed out though....soon you will all know why, but for now, I'm keeping this one close to the chest, so to speak. The problem is that, ironically enough, this is the one place where I find it difficult to not be totally honest, as a result, I haven't even opened the web page until this evening....or any of my friends' pages.....or any CF pages period. Our annual Halloween walk is coming up and I haven't even made preparations for that....I've just been in a daze. I'm coming out of it though. I promise to do better.....

I love you guys and have missed you all dearly.

Please accept my apology.

All of my best. ~j