Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Not for the chromosomally challenged....this means you guys! :)

I'm having a moment. A girl moment. These are few and far between seeing as how most of my time is spent being Mommy and I haven't quite figured out how to be a Mommy and a girl simultaneously. The concept eludes me. If you are female you know exactly what I mean.... However if you're a guy, you're not going to relate and probably want to find something else to do right....about.....now.

I've let myself go lately. No manicures, no pedicures, no eyebrow shaping.....heck I haven't had a haircut since....since....wow I guess since I decided that bangs were a good idea and they are totally grown out now. Its been a while.

But today, today I had enough. Today I looked in the mirror and saw....yuck! So my sister and I took on the task of handling up on those unruly eyebrows. Yep, that's right, it took two of us. It was painful, its was a process, and I don't believe I'm going to be waiting that long before I do it again. In my defense though, Kayla did tame them a little more than I usually do....she was pulling hair that had 30 year old roots, deep....strong....painful to break roots. Pulling out eyebrows that I'm quite sure Ive had a VERRRY long time. I'm cringing as I write this...it was not fun. So no more skimping on the personal grooming. It just hurts too much. :)

Ive never been the girly type. I have one makeup bag. One. It gets thrown in the car, brought to work, thrown back in the bathroom, and back again. I have no collection of perfumes...its bad for Natalie (or so they say). I have no collection of fabulous lotions....they're perfumed as well and what's the fun in lotion if its unscented.

I'm not sure if the lack of estrogen driven habits is a lack of interest or a lack of time. Ive been a Mom my entire life....since I was 19. There's just not time for such indulgences....at least not on a regular basis. Sometimes I wish that I were more girly. More feminine. More....more something or less something perhaps. Maybe people would treat me differently. Maybe they would be more gentle. If I acted like I couldn't handle everything, maybe I wouldn't be expected to take so much, maybe they would think twice before things came out of their mouth, bite their tongues a little harder.... Maybe they would......maybe.

The unfortunate reality is that I'm not fragile. I am not delicate. I'm no UFC fighter, but I can hold my own. I don't cry at movies and TV shows. I don't watch Lifetime or Oxygen. I don't watch the soap operas to see if Jane is really going to leave John because he cheated on her with Betty. I think most "reality" TV is a joke. I watch football. I keep the TV on A&E and Discovery (when I get a turn, that is). I am the disciplinarian. When the girls want something that is questionable, they know to go to Daddy....not me. He's waaaay more likely to say yes than I am.

I'm coming to terms with this idea.....very slowly. I always wanted to be the petite girl, with blond hair and blue eyes.....I'm not. I'm 5'8, i tried to be blond once, maybe twice and it was hideous. My Italian and Native American backgrounds would never allow it to look right anyway. Ill never have blue eyes, even with colored contacts they still look nearly black....even at my lowest weight, I was never petite....I never will be.

People usually come to terms with themselves long before 30, or at least I like to think that they do. Maybe I'm wrong. Ive been trying to figure myself out while trying to form 2 other lives. Maybe that's why it took so long. Maybe if I had slowed down, maybe if I weren't in such a rush to get started with the rest of my life, maybe then I would be a different person....but I kinda like who I am....kinda....maybe.


  1. You should like who you are. I think you're perfect.

  2. you make me blush, as always. :) my best to you....think of you daily. Hope you continue to feel better...my love and best wishes to the fam as well. much love and hugs always! ~j