Do you ever feel like you've said something so many times, that at some point it has to come true? I've been saying "It'll be alright." for a long time....at some point it has to be true. Its that whole self fulfilling prophecy thing, right? Think it to be so, and it will be.....right? I hope so.
Tomorrow is a big day. I have an appointment with my mortgage broker to start/finish my prequalification paperwork....I'm going house shopping. That's right....house shopping. Me, myself, and I. I am going to buy a house, and it will be mine, an no one can ask me and my kids to leave, no one can take it away from me. A sanctuary, a place to make my own.....oh I can hardly stand it, I'm just that excited about it. I try not to be. I try to be realistic and go over all of the "what ifs" in my mind....but I just cant help but get excited about the whole idea of it. Oh, how amazing it will be.
Natalie is doing okay. She's not fighting the antibiotics so hard, but she is so sick of the nebulizer and vest....she just doesn't understand why no one else has to do it. We haven't put a name to CF yet. We haven't had to. I feel like the time is coming though. We were out meeting a real estate agent this week and Natalie coughed. The agent innocently asked Natalie if she was sick, Natalie replied "No, I not sick, I have a nebulizer and vest for my cough." I was proud that she wasn't ashamed, we've given her no reason to be. I was proud that she realizes that she is not sick and that there is a difference. But I was ashamed that Ive given her no other explanation....and then I wonder if she needs it, i wonder if its just too soon....I don't know the answer to this one. I'm just going to have to think about it for a while.
Caitlin is doing fine. She's getting into the groove of school and her grades are wonderful. If I can just get this mortgage and house thing settled, I think she will be a lot happier. This transition time has been tough on her. She is a private child, likes her personal time and her personal space....there hasn't been a lot of that lately. Hopefully that will be over by the end of the year and 2011 will be a year of starting over, together.
Cant wait to hit the restart button and get this show on the road....soon, really soon.... much love~j
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