Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Great Strides means she has CF?

Saturday is our walk.

I don't know what to expect.

It has taken me nearly 4 years to involve myself this much.

Call it denial. Call it lazy. Call it whatever you want.....

Its hard to accept this disease. Its hard to acknowledge it, even when its staring you in the face.

Its hard to put it out into the world, but this is my coping mechanism. If I "talk" about it, then I can handle it. Doing this alone was too much to bear.

This blog still isn't "public" to me though....there is something about the idea of meeting people face to face who are fighting the same fight or have lost someone in this fight unnerves me reason for hesitation, the urge to run far and run fast in the opposite direction....I just don't want to acknowledge it THAT much.....

I'm a coward. I like my bubble. I'm bursting my own bubble. That makes me nervous.

So when I participate in this walk on Saturday, it will be my final layer of acceptance, my last shred of protection formed from my own denial and pride will be gone.

I don't know what to think about that.

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