Friday, June 15, 2012

Suburban Nightmare

Anyone that knows me knows that you just don't come to me for anything sugar coated. So if you're looking for something sweet to read, you should probably leave

Let me start by telling you how much I loved my bright red Civic Si. It was a tiny 6 speed thing of beauty. Was it always clean? Hell no. I have kids. I have things to worry about other than cleaning my car.....but it was mine, and it was pretty, and i loved it.....endlessly.

But there is something big.....something ugly.....something grey in my driveway.....and it makes me sad.....and it makes me miserable. It is the simple embodiment of everything I hate about suburban life.....about what my life has become.

There was a time when I could park at the mall.....park at Wal-Mart.....any huge parking lot and never, never would my vehicle blend in.....I stood out....I was different. Today I am one of many.....they are everywhere....the same color, the same make, the same model.....maybe not the same year.....but they are makes me sick.

Call it a touch of PPD, call it what you want.....I just call it miserable.

Wake up, feed the baby, get puked on, pissed on, put the baby back to sleep, change my clothes....maybe.....bathe......sometimes......three kids at the least.....five kids at the most......dinner....dishes....laundry.....throw in treatments, meds for Natalie, fighting with her about food plus the baby's every three to four hour feedings in the mix of all of that along with all of that and the fact that the child still doesn't sleep through the night plus my 16 hour shift and Jason NEVER coming home from his job at AT&hell and you have one unhappy momma.

I am her. I am she. I am the one you see lugging groceries and 15 kids into her minivan......the one you think to yourself  "Gee, I hope she has help at home." or if you're an ass you think "Godd*&n, she shoulda kept her legs shut."

Caitlin got braces.

Natalie is on antibiotics for a staph infection.

Cooper has to have surgery.

Am I feeling sorry for myself? Maybe. Should I quit? Probably.

I just can't shake this one right now though.

I think the reason why is pretty clear be the judge.

No comments:

Post a Comment