Here we are. Another year, a new decade, a new house, a new life.....Thank God!
I have spent the last 10 years of my life in a terrible cycle of dependence, co dependence, trying to figure out if I was right or wrong, carrying guilt, carrying loads and loads of regret, what ifs, and grief.....its been a really long 10 years....and now its over. I know that my entire life has been leading me to the point I am at right now....So many things had to happen exactly the way they did in order to prepare me and I am thankful for every moment...the good, the bad, and the ridiculous.
We are good. Crazy good. Natalie's treatments are going smoothly. She is healthy right now and I am happy. Really happy. Caitlin is muddling through school, she is an amazing student, sometimes I think she just wants to hang around the house with Mommy and Natalie....just a few more months and we will be back to summer vacation....5 more months.....my my that's terribly soon, isn't it?
It still amazes me how time flies by....How one moment you're holding your little one in your arms and the next you're sending them off to school...
Speaking of school, I have found a preschool that has openings and is licensed to administer medications....We're going to check it out today...I want Natalie to have some socialization before she goes right into school in August. Nearly 5 years at home with Mom makes for a spoiled little girl :) She is good though, she really is, I just want to break her in easy, maybe one or two half days a week....Maybe its really to break me in easy. She is ready. She wants to ride the bus and get a backpack and go with her "sissy". School is a big deal to her and the idea of being able to go is wondrous and amazing to her....I hope it stays that way :) I don't anticipate that being a problem.
Other than that, there are only my personal goals to look to. One of my co-workers asked me if I was pregnant the other night at work....*sigh* *tears* *sniffle* "No, not pregnant, just fat I guess" was my response....So I'm going to join the masses in an attempt to take off a few pounds....not with crazy diet schemes or anything like that....I'm just going to organize the food pantry a little differently....I know Ive spoken about "Natalie food" before....going to have to stay away from the Natalie food :) and no more fast food....Ive been pretty good about that lately, but I'm just going to keep at it. Also, I'm going to walk with the girls while they go bike riding, that way they can ride farther and we can all get our exercise in.....that's the plan anyway. There are always excuses not to....this time of year my excuse is the weather. I hate being cold. I am cold in the summer, let alone when its 40 degrees outside. I just keep telling myself I wont be cold once I start moving....its just so hard to get moving sometimes.
Beyond my weight, there are other goals for the year. Its back to school in August....When Natalie starts school, I am too....time to finish...time to get that BSN, like Ive been wanting....well, like Ive wanted for the past 5 years anyway....maybe even just go ahead and get my masters...its going to happen, either way. Hopefully it wont take too long. I'm looking forward to the challenge...I find that I feel the most alive when I am progressing, moving forward, and I really need to move forward from where I am. I love my patients. I think that my administration needs a reality check....and the only way that I feel like I can fix a system like we have is to fix it from the inside out....and I need a few more letters behind my name before anyone will listen to me.
So here's to long term goals, short term goals, to successes, to failures, and to never giving up.....because there's always a new year. I hope that the new year brings all things good and peaceful to your homes and your families. much love ~j