Tuesday, December 20, 2011

I did it again.

I know, I know. I did it again.

I would apologize....but it seems that I just can't help myself and I hate people who apologize for something and just keep doing it over and over again.

Life is different than it used to be. Things have changed.

I suppose now it's okay for me to tell you why I published some random, obscure post about being Jewish....Why I've been absent....Why I just cant get my brain together.....

It seems that our family will be growing by about two feet......

errr.....let's see.....what other cliche way can we put this....

Oh hell, I'll just say it, I'm pregnant.

I'm excited. I'm worried. I'm tired. I'm preoccupied.

Right now I am sick and so is Natalie. We just had her 3 month check up....she did fabulously. Her FEV1 was 102% and her culture grew only rare amounts of regular staph which is part of her normal flora and a regular sight in her culture results. Problem is that we both have gotten sick since then....I'm hoping that it doesn't turn into something really nasty....she sounds awful, I sound awful.

I was in the L&D department of the hospital Sunday night because of working 16 hours while sick and coughing and I was having regular contractions.....Everything is fine.....I get the same ole speech.....sit down, drink more water, don't hang around sick people......I just wonder how much of this stuff they actually expect me to do.....I mean I have to work, I have to take care of my kids.....water I can do....One out of three isn't bad, right? Oh who am I kidding, its awful.

The other portion of my absence is more personal. I've been making an effort to communicate more with the people who are sitting in front of me, as opposed to those who are not. The unfortunate truth is that I am much better at writing what I think and feel than I am at actually articulating it......When I speak, I come across as harsh, judgmental, a perfectionist.....

CF has made me a bit of a control freak, being a single mom has made me a control freak.....life experiences have made me a control freak and with the recent mass expansion of the family, meaning the addition of two more kids on top of my two as well as our little bun in the oven....I have lost some of that control....I can't do this on my own and I am thankful that I don't have to do it alone.....but, after running my life by myself and on my own terms for so long, its an adjustment to say the least. Okay, okay. Its not just an adjustment, its down right traumatic.

I'm working on it though.....working on everything....one day at a time.....we're going to be okay.

All of my best always ~j


  1. Juli,

    Congratulations on the wonderful news! Thanks for posting. Hope you and Natalie are feeling much better now. Try to take care of yourself and wishing you and yours the very Happiest of Holidays and a Bright and Healthy New Year.


  2. Hi GA,

    Thanks for the congrats. Its going to be interesting, to say the least. Going to try and get back on the bandwagon around here. I heard UC was trying to put some faces on milk cartons. A Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and yours as well. All of my best. ~j