Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Top ten reasons to suspect that I am not a woman:

I have suspected for a long time that my gender is only anatomically deep. I do not relate to women the way that I do to men. Call me mean, call me insensitive, call me a mind f*&k......whatever you like....but here they are:


10.  I do not cry at Hallmark commercials or any commercial for that matter. WTF dude? They're commercials. They're seething low blows by billionaires to suck the last dollar out of the working man's pocket.

9.  The world does not end if I don't have a haircut/style every other month, every six months, or hell even once a year. Its hair. It goes in a pony tail. End of story.

8.  Getting a mani/pedi is not my idea of fun. While necessary at times and a nice treat, the fact that I haven't had one in nearly five years does not bother me in the least.

7.  I think that men look ugly naked. You would NEVER find me at a Chip 'n Dales show.....is that even how you spell that? Aren't Chip and Dale chipmunks?? Just wondering.

6.  While I am busy a lot and most of my TV time consists of Nick Jr., when I do get to watch TV. American Idol, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, or any other trashy MTV reality tv show is that LAST thing you're going to find on my TV. Ugh! What is up with that?

5.  Though I have mood swings like a woman the LAST thing I want to do is talk about it. Leave me alone. If I'm quiet, there's a good reason for it. Don't pester me until I open my mouth and word vomit comes out all over you and then get upset because of what I said. Let me be, I'll be fine in a minute or two or ten or tomorrow.....

4.  I think guns are cool. So is cammo. I heart cut off BDU's.

3.  I don't like being dirty but it happens. The dirtier I am, the more that I feel I have accomplished.

2.  I think that emotions are highly over rated and get you into trouble and make you say stupid things that make you look silly. Logic is a far better friend to have. The Casey Anthony trial reaction has solidified this belief.

1.  If its football season and you do not watch football or have anything negative to say about football.....you should stay away from me.....because its football season, my season. No, you may not watch something else, no we are not going anywhere unless its to watch the game, no you may not watch something else during the halftime report and yes, I must watch the after game commentary.

So there they are. Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one. Then I remember that I don't care :)

All of my best, always! ~j

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