I probably shouldn't be doing this, but the truth is that some of my greatest moments of clarity come when I am away from home, when I can gather myself without everything staring me in the face.
I am sick, so sick of negativity...not just in CF life, but in every aspect of my life. I do my best to make the best of situations that would drive "normal" people absolutely batty. What is normal anyway? What do people expect from me? Quite frankly, I don't care(most of the time).
I am sick of being sad, of being pulled down by all that is around me. I was thinking about deleting my Facebook account, not because I don't like it, but because there is always something depressing, something sad, something going on. I take on the emotions of others very easily....its killing me. I have enough on my plate.
This blog was started for me. It was to be an outlet, my moment of peace, a place to let go, unwind, and vent.....This was never supposed to be an informative blog, a "I am woman, hear me roar" type blog. It wasn't supposed to be eloquent or funny, it was designed with nothing more in mind than...okay so it wasn't designed with anything in mind....nope, zip, zero, nada.
The problem is that I find that I am censoring myself....because I don't want to be judged, I don't want anyone get mad, get upset, freak out, think I'm crazy *blah blah blah* ugh! Its the 19 year old Juli....back with a vengeance :( ewwwww!
So consider yourselves forewarned....this is coming to a screeching halt. Beneath all of this is a real person, with real problems, with a real life, and this blog is mine.
I don't want to scare anyone off, I have no plans to bite off chicken heads or add porn to the site. I do, however, plan to keep it real, raw, and unedited....except for the occasional spell check :) But definately not as raw as Eddie Murphy's stand up comedy.
I hope you'll come along for the ride. ~J
Consider me a rider. I'm in! i think a lot of us go thru this when we start a blog- the sudden realization that PEOPLE ARE READING THIS. It will pass. Get it out, lady, we're here for you. And you can always take some crazy s down later if you really want to ;)
ReplyDeletelol! Thanks Beth.....you're awesome, love your blog, by the way! :) my best always.
ReplyDeleteThat was so well said, I'll be along for the ride. I'm adding you to my blogroll now just from this post. You've got talent - I have an eye for writing talent. Please don't stop, ok?
ReplyDeleteI didn't think I'd make it past post 20 on my site, though I have over 900 on one site and 400 on another. There is just something about writing about one of the most core things about your being that keeps things coming... and at midnight my 96th article comes out since March 3rd when I started it as a personal experiment as a simple Posterous site and moved it to a full-blown WordPress self-hosted site by the end of the month that month.
Keep it real, keep it raw, but be sure to have fun at the same time.
Thanks for the great words of encouragement, compliments, and blog roll status, that's flattering :) It is so very appreciated. Congrats on #96.....always love reading your posts! Plus it's pretty awesome to get pointers too :) so glad I found you on twitter :) Here's to many more posts!
ReplyDeleteCG is right. I went through that moment, too. I knew it was only a matter of time for you. It's just worth it if it isn't what you want to write in your own voice. This will be an exciting transition, though I've really liked what you've written up to now. Maybe the transition is a reflection on some things changing in your own life?
ReplyDeleteBTW, I just spoke to Fox in jail. I read him your blog post. He votes for porn. He says you should rethink the decision not to go in that direction. :-)
Reflection? Probably so...I started this for me and I intend on it ending on the same note....Anyhoo, Always love my comments from you...Oh and tell Fox we might hook up that porn idea when I create a blog under an assumed name ;)
ReplyDelete